by Jackson Nyika,for the GM’10 editorial group

MOI UNIVERSITY: A CONGLOMERATE OF HUGGERS

When I was a kid, my father took a dim view of everyone he deemed to be inappropriately dressed. He sneered at poorly dressed people....who were just about everyone he saw. If you think that he stopped there, then you got another think coming. He went ahead to inform them, and not in so subtle a way, that they looked terrible. This characteristic bluntness always landed him in trouble, but then, he was the kind of a bloke that went around daring trouble to show up....but that is a story for another place. In another day

I, Jackson Nyika, am a small fish in a huge muddy pond named Moi University. Bearing in mind that this is a fish eat fish society, am entitled to my insecure ranting and misplaced jealousies...which is why am awake right now plotting a conspiracy against MUSO, or some kind of a mutiny.

Let us go deep inside the solitary mind of a madman-myself, because i have never considered myself sane, but then this article is not about me. To avoid getting my metaphors mixed or mixing my metaphors, as the case maybe, let me put this argument into perspective...I have been thinking that I should gather a bunch of alcoholics around campus, feed them some cheap bhang and the attendant cheaper spirits, mould them into an army, overthrow MUSO, and declare myself MUSO president for life.

You see, I have a very personal vendetta against MUSO in general, and it’s male clan in particular. When these young men are nothing but college layabouts, the girls avoid them like the plague, but when they get elected, they get elevated to the realm of gods..and, horror of horrors, the gurls around campus be gettin’ huggy.The huggers’ syndrome is officially here with us, in MUSO.A MUSO official-and that is just a title, not a merit-never lets a  gurl pass him up. He makes sure he gets a hug. These young fellas would rather have a vasectomy rather let a good girl pass them up...

The most disturbing thing about huggy men is that they never quite get the wiggles right. You find a shoulder here, a shoulder there, a nipple at the wrong side of the bosom of the hugee.Get the drift? Or, horror of horrors, a neck getting driven in to the wrong shoulder blade.

I am whining, am complaining, am livid and angry,’cos for me hugs are not exactly pulling up at my (imaginary) driveway.hey you MUSO hugees,meaning those girls that want to see me unhugged and lonely, you’d rather start queuing up for hugs from me, because when i ride into MUSO in my chariot, you will have to book appointments   for days on end just to get huggy with yours truly. I might pass you up. Just for kicks, me and my ego are erotic bedfellows, you know.

God, hurry up and take this disgraceful breed away. Am referring to the huggers’ clan in Moi University. Lord, rush this academic year along lest we all get asphyxiated by tight, slimy bear hugs.

Iam gone...oh, and by the way, if you meet a hugger, call me and between the two of us, we shall do some justifiable limb breaking

And to the huggers of Moi university,male,female,and anything in between, stay away from me....matter of fact, I would strongly advise you to look  the other way when you see me...and don’t just look, run  as you look.

The young men of Moi university love visiting the library, but what they love more is gawking at ladies passing by at MTL.That being said, I need to go to the library more often.......’cos I just met a girl called Khadija in there, which could mean that my immediate future is taking  a glorious shapely twist.